So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
