Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
