"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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