covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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