So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
