apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
