i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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