I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
