so that wasnt chicken after all
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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