Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
