If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You are a genius and a whore.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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