at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
