You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
