I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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