Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Two words: blizzard sex
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
