hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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