You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
