I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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