My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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