he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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