She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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