how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
