I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
