WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
