My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
