It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
