After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
there was a trapeze. enough said
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
