btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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