3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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