Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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