If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
