her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
