Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
