So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
