omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
