You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
