Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
