Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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