Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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