Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
