You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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