mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
