dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
