6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
