I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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