you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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