Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
