I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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