hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
