I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
