there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
