your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His hands were made for my vagina.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
