Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
