you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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