What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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